The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman, and a Bulldog are in a doggie bar having a cool one when a good-looking female Belgian Tervuren comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have a kiss." So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The Belgian says, "That's not good enough." The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That's not creative." Finally the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone...cheese mine!"

WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS A .....

Collie + Lhasa Apso =
Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport

Spitz + Chow Chow =
Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot

Pointer + Setter =
Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet

Great Pyrenees + Dachshund =
Pyradachs, a puzzling breed

Pekinese + Lhasa Apso =
Peekasso, an abstract dog

Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel =
Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle

Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever =
Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists

Newfoundland + Basset Hound =
Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors

Terrier + Bulldog =
Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes

Bloodhound + Labrador =
Blabador, a gossip hound.

Collie + Malamute =
Commute, a dog that travels to work

Deerhound + Terrier =
Derriere, a dog that's true to the end

 
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Leash: A strap that attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your owner where you want him or her to go. Make sure that you are waiting patiently with leash in mouth when your owner comes home from work. This immediatly makes your owner feel guilty and the walk is lengthened by a good 10 minutes.

Dog Bed: Any soft, clean surface, such as a white bedspread, newly upholstered couch or the dry cleaning that was just picked up.

Drool: What you do when your owners have food and you don't.To do this properly, sit as close as you can, look sad and let the drool fall to the floor or better yet on their laps.

Sniff: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs or those people that sometimes smell like dogs.

Garbage Can: A container your neighbors put out weekly to test your ingenuity. Stand on your hind legs and push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right, you are rewarded with food wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume, moldy crusts of bread and sometimes even an old Nike.

Bicycles: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards. The rider swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.

Thunder: A signal the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling, panting, rolling your eyes wildly and following at their heels.

Wastebasket: A dog toy filled with paper, envelopes and old candy wrappers. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the house. This is particularly fun to do when there are guests for dinner and you prance around with the contents of that very special bathroom wastepaper basket!

Sofas: Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating it is polite to run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your whiskers clean. If there are people sitting on the couch just include them as a handy wipe.

Bath: A process owners use to clean you, drench the floor, walls and themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.

Lean: Every good dog's response to the command "sit," especially if your owner is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly effective before black-tie events.

Love: A feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction, shared by you and your owner. Show it by wagging your tail

1. If I like it, it's mine.

2. If it's in my mouth, it's mine.

3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.

4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.

5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.

6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.

7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine.

8. If I saw it first, it's mine.

9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.

10. If it's broken, it's yours.

 
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Man to dog trainer: "Every time a bell rings, my dog goes into the corner."
Dog trainer: "That's OK, he is a Boxer." 

 During break time at obedience school, two dogs were talking.
One said to the other..."The thing I hate about obedience school is you learn ALL this stuff you will never use in the real world."

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says "My dog is cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?" The vet says, "Well, let's have a look at him." So the vet picks the dog up while examining his eyes. Finally he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Just because he is cross-eyed?" "No, because he is really, really heavy." 

 A little girl asks her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?"
Mom says, "The dog is in heat, go ask daddy."

The little girl goes to her father,
"Dad, can I take Susie for a walk around the block? Mom said the dog is in heat and that I should ask you."
"Hm." He answers, takes a rag, soaks it with gasoline, and scrubs the dog's butt with it.
"OK, you can go now but keep Susie on the leash."

Little girl goes and returns a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.
Dad asks, "Where is Susie?"
Little girl says, "Susie ran out of gas about halfway down the block. But another dog is pushing her home."

• Remove film from box and load camera.
• Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
• Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
• Choose a suitable background for photo.
• Mount camera on tripod and focus.
• Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.
• Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
• Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
• Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.
• Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
• Take flashcube from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
• Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.
• Put magazines back on coffee table.
• Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head... Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
• Jump up in time to grab puppy and say, "No, outside! No, outside!"
• Call spouse to clean up the mess.
• Fix a drink.
• Sit back in Lazy Boy with drink, and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and "stay" the first thing in the morning.